You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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