I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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