I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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