Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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