How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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