final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Please don't give away my fajitas
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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