apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
