All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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