You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
