I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
