we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
