accomplished twins. life is a go
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
