you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
