that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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