weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
