looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
