I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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