I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
