I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
