Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i think my cat just said my name.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
