Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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