if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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