I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
