I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
