just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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