He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
