i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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