You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
