i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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