he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
