I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
