they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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