Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im holly from the hills drunk
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
