went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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