he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
