i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
