I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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