My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
