They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
