i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
