His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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