if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
