Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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