Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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