it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
