your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
