So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
