i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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