1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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