dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
