No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
