Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
