dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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