it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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