i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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