put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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