My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
