Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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