Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
