do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
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